All You Need Is Love
Updated: Jan 3
By Behcet Bicakci, Life Coach (DipLC)
Love is a world where you can live in, if only you believe in it. It doesn't matter what and who you fall in love with. You need to trust your feelings and carry on with loving. If you haven't been in love before, probably it is an excellent time to start thinking about and look for true love. If you are in love already, you should keep feeding your love with good feelings, kindness, respect and care. So what kind of love?
Şems-i Tabrizi says: "A life without love is a waste. "Should I look for spiritual love, or material, or physical love?", don't ask yourself these questions. Discrimination leads to discrimination. Love doesn't need any name, category or definition. Love is a world itself. Either you are in, at the centre…or you are out and yearning for it."
Love is a treasure if you know how it can affect your life positively. Having a definition of love in your way and make sure you have thoughts and feelings for love. Let me tell you what happens when you are in love:
You feel so light that you think you can fly like a bird: you feel you can do anything without being lazy or procrastinate. Everything is so easy to do and achieve without doubting yourself. You know your potential, and you have the mentality and attitude of ' I can do it!'
You feel so positive you think you can save the world: Even in the worst time of your life, you are still able to think positive and change the situation from negative to positive. You eliminate negative people from your life, and you know your own value. You know you can change your destiny as well as others by being positive and productive.
You feel so energetic that you feel you can work non stop 24 hours: it is never difficult to get up early and work hard to achieve your goals. Your energy is enough for work, family, social networking and friendship. You feel 24 hours is not enough for you to live life. When you are in love, you know you will be happy and successful because you have got energy and you are motivated with strong feelings.
When you are in love, you feel so many butterflies fly from your stomach: there is unexplained happiness inside you. You feel the vibration of happiness, and you know this happiness gives you energy. You are so happy you can make people around you happy also. You can help and support when they need it, and you are the one who can provide this source of support because you get your energy from the feeling of love.
You feel you are timeless, endless and your energy will never exhaust: When you are in love, you can do anything anytime. You can be productive and setting up new goals and overcome challenges by working hard, being creative and communicative. You can do anything anytime; you have positive energy which enables you to do better. You will see a significant difference between your life before being in love and afterwards. You will also notice how much things you have done and achieved in a short time.
Everything makes sense, and everything is possible: you become patient and able to listen, understand and observe situations and making decisions accordingly. You are more reasonable and understand the reasons behind events and situations. You know that everything is possible while many things are impossible for others. You know that happiness, achievement, success and a better life is ahead and it is possible as long as you make good enough effort.
You make realistic plans for future: you are positive about the future and making plans such as getting settled, get married, having family, travelling to destinations you always dreamed about, buying house, car etc. You are full of ideas about future and can’t wait put your plans in practice.
What happens when you don't have love in your life, or you failed in love?
When there is a lack of love in your life, you don't feel you are completed. There is always something that is missing, no matter how big family or friends circle you have. Something is missing in the high inside.
You don't feel positive: most of the time, you think negative and pessimistic about life and events. You might cheer up sometimes with family and friends, but as soon as you are alone by yourself, you start to feel a lack of love. You begin to feel down, sad or thoughtful even though you don't think anything.
You don't feel energetic: most of the time you feel tired or don't want to do anything, especially if you have recently ended your love relationship. Nothing makes sense, and you are not interested in anything. Life is boring, and you feel empty.
You feel you are lost: most of the time, you are not sure about anything. You are confused about work, friends, social interactions and so on. You start to believe everyone and no one. It is so difficult to get the right direction. You seek advice from others but by the time you understand that you are the only one who needs to find your own way. Some of the people's opinions make sense, but most of the time, they are not. why? Because you are lost, and you need help. Not everyone can survive with the pain of love. When you are deeply wounded, you need help to recover.
You shut yourself down: By the time, you start to less socialise and attend events. You prefer to stay at home or in your room and ignore family members, friends and social interaction. No one and nothing makes you happy because you need love but not people and things.
You prefer being alone: most of the time you want to be alone and not seeing people. You spend more time with yourself rather than with others. Most of the time, you waste your time by doing nothing or spending your time on things that are not necessary. This leads you to make more mistakes and wasting your time with things and people who are not important for your well-being and happiness.
You are less productive: you become less productive and don't want to do anything. You are being lazy and procrastinating your work, health, social networking and friends.
You might develop bad habits: it is possible to start smoking, drinking or drugs. Especially if you have finished a romantic relationship and you loved the person very much. You feel you need substance to calm you down or help you to sleep while you are not able to get good sleep because of thinking too much.
You become more spiritual: you start to develop an interest in religion and spiritual books, persons, watching videos or listening podcasts. You are looking for the solution in supernatural things rather than human.
You listen to sad music or watch sad films: you start listening music or songs that you would never listen before. You begin to give attention to words rather than music. The words of sad songs make sense, and you feel it has been made for you. You even start to sing songs with singers. Your favourite song becomes a very sad one.
You will start to hear your friends tell you 'stop being miserable and sad, it is not the end of the world': Actually, it feels like the end of the world, and they don't know what you feel or think.
Your eyes full of tears time to time without knowing any reason: You feel emotional, your eyes are full of tears when you hear a song or feel a smell or pass somewhere you have been with loved one.
You miss a lot: you feel you continuously miss the thing or the person you love. Your body experiences shock waves when you hear his/her voice, photo or see the person. You start to experience feelings you have never had before.
You hate but love: sometimes you hate the thing or person because what you feel about. It is so difficult to cope with it when you are in love and not able to express your feelings and enjoy the moment. Then feeling of hate pass and you start to miss and feel the pain in your body and mind. You know you are suffering but don't want to give up. It is painful; it hurts, but you love. You start to search for these kinds of feelings, you ask many people and try to understand the pain of love. You conclude that it won't pass till you find or communicate again with the one you love or develop feelings of love for someone.
You need professional help: you might start to work with a psychologist, psychiatrist or life coach to work with you and support you during your difficult time. You should not be discouraged to use professional help just because society might think less of you. I have known friends who used professional help, and they have recovered sooner, and they are pleased to use professional help services. Having someone impartial on your side and contact them and gain their support whenever you feel weak is a treasure. When you are in a difficult time, you should seek professional help because once you recover, you will be stronger, focused and get back to your life quickly. rself sometimes to clean memories from your mind. It would be best if you were patient. You will try not to think about that person a few hours then extend a few hours to 24 hours and then extend 24 hours to 3 days and then to a week, and then from week to month till you start to feel you calm down and don't need to see or communicate with the person causing the pain. Meantime, you have to find a hobby that keeps you occupy and prevent you from thinking about the person. A hobby can be joining a gym, join a course to improve your skills, doing voluntary work for a charity etc. Also, going on a holiday with a friend can help a lot. Don't go by yourself! After a while, you will feel stronger and able to come over the situation.
So how to deal with the pain of love?
Unfortunately, there is not a short cut. If you have been experiencing the pain of love because your relationship failed or you lost loved one, then there is a process you have to go through.
There will be a period that you will experience all mentioned above or some of them for sure. You might give yourself sometimes and try to get over it. But it is not an easy route. Dealing with such strong feelings and pain by yourself is not always possible. During this process, you might:
Communicate with the person you love and try to talk if it is possible. This is not always the best option, but it is the easiest one. When you see the person and speak to them, you will feel relaxed and feeling better even you know the relationship between you two might never work. This will work when the other person (lover, partner, husband, friend, family member etc.) co-operate. Just imagine you had an accident with someone far from the city and it will take time for police and ambulance arrive. After the accident, if you help each other such as checking on each other if you are both fine, need emotional help or physical help etc. This can save the life of both of you. Ending a relationship is like an accident, and you need treatment, and if the treatment is not available, then you help each other to survive. When you help each other, both of you might be able to ease the pain and supporting each other till you finish the relationship or start up again.
If the other side doesn't co-operate such as doesn't response emails, phone calls, text messages or blocking you on social media and phone, then you might have to go through the process by yourself. At the beginning you will try many things including trying talking to the other side, asking friends to help, reading books, blogs, watching videos, attending seminars etc. but you will not find a solution to help you in a short time. You will have to go through the process of getting rid of loving that person. You will start with deleting or hiding all photos, communications, deactivate your social media accounts, not responding to any emails or text messages and give yourself sometimes to clean memories from your mind. It would be the best if you were patient. You will try not to think about that person a few hours then extend a few hours to 24 hours and then extend 24 hours to 3 days and then to a week, and then from week to month till you start feel you calm down and don't need to see or communicate with the person causing the pain. Meantime, you have to find a hobby that keeps you occupy and prevent you from thinking about the person. A hobby can be joining gym, join a course to improve your skills, doing voluntary work for a charity etc. Also, going on a holiday with a friend can help a lot. Don't go by yourself! After a while, you will feel stronger and able to come over the situation.
You need professional help: you might start to work with a psychologist, psychiatrist or life coach to work with you and support you during your difficult time. You should not be discouraged to use professional help just because society might think less of you. I have known friends who used professional help, and they have recovered sooner, and they are pleased to use professional help services. Having someone impartial on your side and contact them and gain their support whenever you feel weak is a treasure. When you are in a difficult time, you should seek a professional help because once you recover, you will be stronger, focused and get back to your life quickly.
I hope this blog has helped you somehow. You are always welcome to write a comment or drop me a line.