Being Detective of Love (Falling in Love Again)
By Behcet Bicakci, Life Coach (DipLC)
I have recently read an article about a wife who was in love with her husband but becomes aware that they did not love each other as before. She decided to be a detective and search what made her fall in love with her husband and what made them connected in the past. Some of her findings and my thoughts about subject are worth to list here:
1- In a relationship, if you do not share as much as you did before, the relationship will grow weak. In the beginning, it might be challenging to connect with your partner again, but the more you make an effort, the more natural conversation starts. It is essential to be patient, not annoyed or disappointed if you do not receive a response at the beginning. For instance, if your partner likes to go for a daily walk and you want to join them and if they don't enjoy walking with you as much as you expect, don't be disappointed. It would help if you kept trying different things until you are connected.
2- Giving enough space when it is needed. One of the main issues in a relationship is partners are not aware that they need to give each other some space to make the relationship stronger. Growing habit of ignoring each other is equally dangerous. For example, when one partner watch tv and the other one goes his/her room and being busy with their phone or laptop. If this becomes a habit, then partners will grow the habit of being alone and ignoring each other. It is essential to give each other enough space when it is only needed, and it should not be more than it is necessary.
3- Noticing physical changes and expressing complements: after a while in a relationship, partners start NOT noticing physical changes in each other such as hair dye, hair cut, growing beard, tattoos or new dresses. Or partners notice changes but don't need to make any comment or compliment. Turning a blind eye to changes in partner shows that partners have lost interest in each other. Instead, partners should always encourage each other to make a compliment and to ask each other about changes or expressing a compliment for changes. This can help partners to feel confident and supported when they want something new in their life.
4- Avoid being serious and laugh about silly things in daily life: in the early days of relationships partners banter more often, and they laugh more which make their days full of fun. However, after a while, partners might be more serious and not making the day as fun as before. For instance, they talk more about rent, mortgage, kids school, business, family matters rather than having fun. It is essential to keep relationship fun and laughing together.
5- Treating each other with presents, not necessarily expensive one: This can make a relationship grow strong because buying a gift for someone shows you think positive and feel they are special for you. Knowing the partner's interest and treating them can make the relationship very special.
6- Being romantic: there is no limit on how to be romantic. Doing all the above can be part of a romantic relationship. Also, visiting places where partners first met, treating each other with meals, gifts, flowers, holidays just some of the ideas. Remember the early days of your relationship and find out what your partner likes and try to reconnect this way can make your relationship very special and make you feel you love and you are loved again.
Note1: This blog was inspired from Rachel Garnett's article published by Psychologist Magazine, Issue June 2020
Note 2: Special thanks to Ms Dania Ameen for her contribution and comments.